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About the author:
Descended from old English money, Vidicon was raised by spiny echidnas in the mountainous rainforests of the North American Southeast. Lured back to society by time-traveling gray/reptiloid alien hybrids posing as renegade Jesuits, he has managed to maintain his outsider's perspective and an appetite for crunchy insects. Today, Vidicon is a world-class synchronicity surfer and an unlicensed quantum mechanic. He has a fourth-degree black belt in weird.
About his bi-weekly column:
Tales from the Third Lobe are the unfocused meanderings of the World's Smartest Moron. Topics range widely over the sciences, religion, philosophy, technology, modern culture, mysticism, Vidicon's personal history and viewpoints, and whatever pissed him off in the media last week.
View all articles by Laszlo Q. V. St-J. "Vidicon" Xalieri, 2HC Columnist...
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What's That Smell?
Every once in a while I have to wonder what gives me the balls to think you guys will find anything I have to say worth the read. And then I remind myself, I don't give a damn whether anyone reads what I have to say. I write because I feel like it, and I write what I feel like writing. I don't care whether anyone thinks my writing is good. I don't care whether anyone gets anything out of what I say. I write what I have it in me to say and I put it where people can find it if they feel like looking for it. I write about what's in my head when I'm typing. And I keep writing it until the demons go away.
I used to blather on about current events and politics, but now I don't see the point. It isn't in me anymore. It's not that I accept the situation as it is now as ideal. Anyone who knows me knows that as long as the bastards are in power, I will not be complacent. I will never condone imprisonment and punishment of people who haven't been convicted of any crime. I will never endorse torture. I will never throw my support behind people in authority who twist the rules we're all supposed to live by to favor themselves at the expense of everybody else. I will never join forces with people who treat the less fortunate like livestock.
What more do I need to say? Our country's leaders are Olympic-grade shits. it's quite, quite possible to be blatantly conscienceless and downright evil and get away with it. "More for us, less for you, whoever you are" is a viable creed for the wealthy and powerful.
I haven't accepted that that's the way things have to be, but you have, and I've accepted that. The only thing I have left is to swear I will never be like them, and I will never be like you.
I can stay angry forever. If necessary.
Will I keep ranting about it? Maybe not. I might still still bark when I smell danger, but I'm not going to expect you to do anything about it. I'm going to expect you to change the channel. Fire up the video game machine. See if the TiVo recorded any new episodes. Go catch a movie. Go get a beer. Call your friends and see what they're doing. Go shopping. Dig out the porn. Go down to the local meat market and try to pick someone up. Light up and take another hit.
You know what? None of that is a bad idea. There's nothing you can do about it on your own? You're damned right. Go fucking bowling.
It's simply not bad enough out there for anyone to do anything about it yet. At least not in your own neighborhood. The fighting isn't here. It's overseas.
No one's blowing up your church. No one's rationing your gas down to two gallons per week. You can still get money from mom and dad to cover this month's car insurance or utility bills. No one's kidnapping your children from school. You don't have to sell your ass two or three times a week to feed your kids or your grandma. You've never had to decide whether to eat your dog. It's been a long time since anyone blew up your grocery store. No men with guns came to get your father or brother in the middle of the night with no badges and no explanations. If you dial 911, you're sure the cops will show up eventually, and you're probably sure they'll go away again without shaking you down for spare cash and twenty minutes alone with your sister.
Why should you worry who's in charge? As long as none of this shit is happening to you, they must be doing a good job, right? That's what you pay taxes for, right?
There's no reason to get upset until it gets bad, right?
Right. Right you are.
Besides, the fuckers aren't getting away with it completely, are they? The ENRON bastards went down for raping their customers, and Ken Lay has even had the good grace to fall over dead for us. Tom DeLay is on the ropes, Jack Abramoff has a morally endearing form of virulent leprosy, and no one with any amount of real credibility wants to ruin it by working in the White House, as is evidenced by the hiring of a FauxNews talking head to be the new White House spokesthing. Bush's carefully stacked Supreme Court has mysteriously turned around and bit him on the ass regarding his Military Tribunals for "Enemy Combatants" at Guantánamo Bay pipe dream, citing violations of International Law (to which we have never been subject before now) and disregard for the Geneva Convention. Also, Ann Coulter has decided she can't sell another edition of her drivel based sheerly on its content, and so appears on the cover in a Little Black Dress, half-turned sideways to visually minimize her waist, regardless of the fact that she still she looks like an underfed horse. In a Little Black Dress.
But nevermind all that hopeful shit. The Middle East is deteriorating more rapidly than even and we've never been closer to a worldwide nuclear exchange than we are right now. And we'll be even closer a year from now, when everyone's conventional options are fucking well depleted.
Don't mind any of that either. Pretty soon you'll be able to masturbate, play video games, and watch movies all at the same time.
Won't that be nice?
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Vidicon didn't do it. Maybe it was the dog. |
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